Lea, Peanut and Tommy Ray

Lea lived in the house of Peanut. In Peanut’s house there were no visitors. Upon occasion a sales
person tried to invade only to be graciously stopped midway in conversation and walked out.

The house of Peanut had walls and bricks and locks to keep out ALL. This was Peanut’s way of protecting
Lea.

Lea often times longed for people but was content to have her characters surround her. After all
they didn’t hurt her feelings or break her heart. They were kind and gentle and hugged her back
when she needed hugs. Some laughed when squeezed, some talked and some played music when wound
up.

There were animals and people everywhere. One of Lea’s towels even squeaked when touched.

This always brought a gentle smile to Lea’s face and often times caught her off guard.

One of Lea’s favorite things was to pick flowers for the house of Peanut. She knew Peanut loved
flowers and she loved when Peanut’s face lit up in a smile. It brought her joy to give to another.

One day while outside picking flowers a Gray Mann ventured along. He was very handsome and resembled
the prince that she had loved long long ago.

Lea was taken aback. Was she to be reminded forever of her prince? Would he always be in her heart?
Would the pain endure until her death?

The recent death of a dear friend’s wife, how would this affect Lea? Peanut knew she had to protect
Lea. After all, Lea had never shown good sense when it came to men and he had touched her heartstrings
before. Peanut knew he wasn’t for Lea. She had known it when it all began.

Now the struggle is on. Peanut is being very strong but the party is this week end. They aren’t
attending but that in itself will bring him back, of this she is sure. (He will call.)

How did Lea get herself into these situations? She never had to go far and out of the somewhere....
a man ......

Peanut had been successful in keeping Lea secluded lately. It had been working for a while. She
couldn’t afford to let her out and about, it could be dangerous.

Lea on the other hand longed to love again. The scars were thick and the callous hard but if only
a pang now and again. Was it worth it?

How could she open up? Would Peanut let her? Peanut knew Lea so well and she had decided way back
in their childhood that love was harsh. Love wasn’t something either of them needed.

Peanut was there when Lea defied their mother. Peanut took the hits from the belts. Peanut took
the slaps in the face, Peanut took the psychological abuse so Lea could live. Even then Lea managed
to do terrible things to herself. She would retaliate because she couldn’t stand Peanut taking
the abuse.

Peanut was with their mom when she found out about the cancer and she took the news calmly. Lea
on the other hand questioned it and wanted information. Once again, the abuse.

Peanut was there by the bathroom door when she heard her daddy sobbing. Lea showed up and Peanut
led her away. (She had never seen her daddy cry nor had she ever heard anything that sad in her
life. She knew Lea would insist on knowing and she had to get her away.)

Peanut was actually the one that ran away. She had to, Lea was going to raise a ruckus if she knew
her daddy was hurting. She would insist on knowing everything.

When her daddy caught her, on her way to grandma’s house, Lea was defiant. Peanut couldn’t stop
her even then.

Their grandmother came to stay with the girls then. It was tough for a while. Thirteen year old
girls are a handful to say the least but in a drama like this one, it was terrible. (If only their
grandmother had known. They blended so well and Peanut was quite good at it. Lea was suspicious
but she didn’t really want to know so she just went on her merry way.)

Peanut and Lea coexisted during the time their mom was in San Francisco at the hospital for treatment.
Peanut stood in when others were around and kept peace as best she could.

Lea however rebelled and wanted her father to talk to her. She wanted answers, there was no shhhhhhhhh
ing Lea.

Looking back, their dad probably didn’t know what to tell his inquisitive young woman/daughter.


Peanut remembers once when Lea slapped her mom back. It startled all three but Lea never understood
and got tired of it. How does it feel?

Lea doesn’t remember to this day if she did it.

In the hospital after their father had his surgery, it was Peanut who took the push against the
wall from their mother. Lea was irate, it was her father too, didn’t she count? She held firm
to her conclusion that her father would live.

Lea was persistant. Peanut had relented on several occasions only to be bruised and scarred herself
when Lea came back damaged.

Peanut wondered if Lea would survive and decided if Lea didn’t either would she.

What now? The saga continues......

Who will it be?
Where will it happen?
How will we know if it is safe?
How can we trust again? but more important than that, will we ever be that vulnerable again? If
the pain returns, will we survive.

Are we doomed to always be on the outside looking in? Is it ever safe?

HURT Pain............ critical crisis ............ depression........ failure.

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Joys We Shared........... 1955-1992 TRW I love you still!!!
My gentle prince.... who played w/me as children.

A refreshing thought has crossed my mind
I looked at you, we were two of a kind.

The part of you I loved was me
The reflection in my eyes was a he.

I knew from the first time I saw your face
You were the opposite, a man and you didn’t wear lae.

But in our love I came to know
I loved you and first and it did grow.

You left and went ahead of me
Buth the things I felt made me free.

Now as I go through my life without you
It hurts to know and it makes me ble.

In our own way I guess we said our final good-by
But when I heard you’d left all I could do was cry.

Why did it happen, why did you have to go
It is my heartache and I’ll never know.

But even though you’ve left this world
You gave me much, more precious than gold.

We lived and we loved and we’d left each other before
But this time you’ve left and there will be no more.

So good-by my love you were my treat
When I leave this world I’m sure we’ll meet.

On the other side maybe it is much better
Till then my love all I have is this letter.