About a year ago, I pretty much quit drinking coffee (JAVA). Now, that I've found a new niche in the Blogworld, I find I WANT coffee again, and often!!! heeheehee. Anyways, I'm on my second cup and ready to talk (write).
First off, before going into this new storyline, I want to share with you something that has been weighing on my mind. 'MENTAL ILLNESS' hmmmmmmm and no this ain't a gonna be negative, just a bit of insight I've had in the last few days.
I want you all to meet my alternates....... There's Cal, peanut, liby, Lea, Deondra Upperbutt Worthington III. .......and I have others but for now these are the only ones yaw'll need to be aware of......... BTW, liby is Sybil spelled backwards without the capital 'S' and Deondra Upperbutt Worthington III always is addressed as Deondra Upperbutt Worthington III probably for obvious reasons. (I like the song 'Rich Girl' as it seems to apply to her.) .......and no, we were never really rich, but from the outside, it seemed to appear that a way.
Rich Girl (Hall and Oates)
here
Deondra Upperbutt Worthington III wasn't created by me but by friends of mine in my hometown as it was their view of me when I was married to my first husband. (It was all a visual tho as I (asin ME) never viewed myself this way and was shocked when I was told about her.) I came from a poor background tho, so this fantasy seemed too good to be true.
Back on topic now.........
Alternates may well be a reality but in my case, they always seemed to be my moods and the changes in my moods (mood swings). I never blacked out and became someone else and I named them as I got to know my moods. (For instance, in 1976 my husband bought US a home...... as it turns out, it was my great aunts and uncles home for many years and they raised their children in it and it was a great house.) Hence......... Deondra Upperbutt Worthington III.
NOTICE the racing thoughts above?
........sidebar (I learned that term during the OJ Simpson trial.)
***** The reason I'm sharing all of this with you guys is that when I'm inside my writing personna......... or personnas, I have a great deal of difficulty staying in one of my alternates and I seem to jump around in my tenses. (FUTURE, PRESENT, and PAST.) My writing depends on memories and which mood I'm in when writing and which mood (altername) might be switching back and forth. The pros tell us we splinter off. One of the shrinks at META Services told me that they 'the shrinks' track us. She was a Gestalt therapist and ended up getting fired, along with 4 others by my whistleblowing. *******
here
EXCERPT:
Gestalt psychology or gestaltism (German: Gestalt - "essence or shape of an entity's complete form") of the Berlin School is a theory of mind and brain positing that the operational principle of the brain is holistic, parallel, and analog, with self-organizing tendencies. The Gestalt effect refers to the form-forming capability of our senses, particularly with respect to the visual recognition of figures and whole forms instead of just a collection of simple lines and curves. In psychology, gestaltism is often opposed to structuralism and Wundt. The phrase "The whole is greater than the sum of the parts" is often used when explaining Gestalt theory. (See History of Psychology by David Hothersall (2004), chapter seven, for complete history)
In 1975, my husband's business partner bought US a White Cadilac Coupe de Ville and his family a Cad as well. About this same time my husband also bought me a golden 280Z as his other partner had a Z and I found it fun. The following year my husband bought himself a green Silverado.
David (my husband and the father of my 2 daughters) had gone into partnerships with some local fellers and we were doing pretty good in those days. (It was all on paper though that we were doing so well but what the hell, I didn't know the difference and the government was handing out money to the farmers NOT TO RAISE CROPS.) Who woulda thought, eh? (My husband's brothers were doing rather nicely as well and were millionaires in their business before long.)
Our business partner that did the books showed me some banking tricks that he had learned from the other (banker) partner. I think it was called kiting. (BTW, I was trying to absorb
Anyways, I had accounts at restaurants in Los Banos where I could take folks out to lunch or dinner or the company could take us out and it was all a write off???????
Go figure, I was young and not so very into all of this at the time and we had some very creative partners. One was a banker (French), and one was in real estate (Portuguese) and my husband (Italian) was a simple farmer, and the other partner was the son-in-law of the owner of the business we bought into.
Oh yeah, at this time I need to share with you that after my first child I had gained a lot of weight and had been to a doctor for diet pills. Come to find out they were very strong and NO telling what they did to my body? I lost a lot of weight on them though and thought I was hot for the first time in my life. (AMBAR) This is funny and inside the url is nothing about AMBAR but here it is anyways....... Go figure, eh? * The prescription, unfilled, was found in Ruby's 1956 pocket address book, and was for 50 pills of AMBAR, a diet drug made by pharmaceutical firm Robins and Strasenburgh. (JACK RUBY)
It was about this time I started to notice my very different moods. The moods were very UP and very DOWN and I started to worry. I even charted my moods at this time and took the charts to my MD. (It seemed I should be put into a padded room at least one day out of every month and as I started to notice, the moods were even worse when I would have a drink or two with lunch and then with dinner.)
I did have the mood swings in my younger days but because of what my family was going through, I wasn't so very sure they weren't justified. (My mother had cancer when I was 13 and took the bus every week to San Francisco for treatments at Doctor's hospital.)
It was a very hard time for us and I went through lots of adjustments during this time. I heard my father cry thru the bathroom door and I had never heard him cry, ever in my life.
I tried very hard to address my past and it was about this time I started to visit a shrink. I must say that 'Frank Martinez' was one of three shrinks that I visitied during a 30 year span of shrinks that was wonderful. I had a shit pot full of shrinks during this time and was really surprised that they didn't really do much except for Frank and Phillip Grossi and Tomar. These three helped me immensely and to tell you the truth seemed to admire and respect me as much as I did them during our times together. Maybe because I think I became their best friends in the MATRIX.)
Frank eventually quit seeing me as he professed to have fallen in love with me and although it was painful for me; I understood. I took him out to lunch right before we stopped. (NO, we never had a kiss or an affair but PURE love was there and I will always be grateful that God saw fit to send me him.) Phillip on the other hand was the first shrink I had that ever perscribed meds and for that I am forever thankful as he worked with me during a very hard time in my life and although now I wouldn't consider meds, they were necessary at this time as I had started my journey through menopause. (I never did do hormones for lack of a doctor that thought menses to be my problem.) Now that I'm older and all thru that whole scene, I find that the 'system' was always against women in our search.)
Frank was 43 to my 27 and he was, obviously, Mexican. He was perhaps 5'4"-5'6" and he had a beard and mustouche. He wasn't handsome but he was empathetic and he was wonderful. He was honest and he was simply Frank.
I remember one time I was at the Merced mall and I saw Frank. He looked so cute with his little Gilligan's hat and long black hair and his blue jeans and jacket. (Frank was not at all handsome and cute is a stretch of the word but once I got to know him, he was the cutest guy I'd met in a very long time as his spirit was awesome.)
Sybil (Watch video and notice Tommy and what happens to him)
here
Jessica Lange Melts Down in Frances
here
Wildfire (Spirit movie) OUR SONG
here
Tommy died in 1993, he was attacked by a swarm of yellow jackets and stung 14 times. He had a pink mesh cloth over his body during the funeral as his color was bad from the reaction.
Lea, Peanut and Tommy
Lea lived in the house of Peanut. In Peanut’s house there were no visitors. Upon occasion a sales person tried to invade only to be graciously stopped midway in conversation and walked out.
The house of Peanut had walls and bricks and locks to keep out ALL. This was Peanut’s way of protecting Lea.
Lea often times longed for people but was content to have her characters surround her. After all they didn’t hurt her feelings or break her heart. They were kind and gentle and hugged her back when she needed hugs. Some laughed when squeezed, some talked and some played music when wound up.
There were animals and people everywhere. One of Lea’s towels even squeaked when touched.
This always brought a gentle smile to Lea’s face and often times caught her off guard.
One of Lea’s favorite things was to pick flowers for the house of Peanut. She knew Peanut loved flowers and she loved when Peanut’s face lit up in a smile. It brought her joy to give to another.
One day while outside picking flowers a Gray Mann ventured along. He was very handsome and resembled the prince that she had loved long long ago.
Lea was taken aback. Was she to be reminded forever of her prince? Would he always be in her heart? Would the pain endure until her death?
The recent death of a dear friend’s wife, how would this affect Lea? Peanut knew she had to protect Lea. After all, Lea had never shown good sense when it came to men and he had touched her heartstrings before. Peanut knew he wasn’t for Lea. She had known it when it all began.
Now the struggle is on. Peanut is being very strong but the party is this week end. They aren’t attending but that in itself will bring him back, of this she is sure. (He will call.)
How did Lea get herself into these situations? She never had to go far and out of the somewhere.... a man ......
Peanut had been successful in keeping Lea secluded lately. It had been working for a while. She couldn’t afford to let her out and about, it could be dangerous.
Lea on the other hand longed to love again. The scars were thick and the callous hard but if only a pang now and again. Was it worth it?
How could she open up? Would Peanut let her? Peanut knew Lea so well and she had decided way back in their childhood that love was harsh. Love wasn’t something either of them needed.
Peanut was there when Lea defied their mother. Peanut took the hits from the belts. Peanut took the slaps in the face, Peanut took the psychological abuse so Lea could live. Even then Lea managed to do terrible things to herself. She would retaliate because she couldn’t stand Peanut taking the abuse.
Peanut was with their mom when she found out about the cancer and she took the news calmly. Lea on the other hand questioned it and wanted information. Once again, the abuse.
Peanut was there by the bathroom door when she heard her daddy sobbing. Lea showed up and Peanut led her away. (She had never seen her daddy cry nor had she ever heard anything that sad in her life. She knew Lea would insist on knowing and she had to get her away.)
Peanut was actually the one that ran away. She had to, Lea was going to raise a ruckus if she knew her daddy was hurting. She would insist on knowing everything.
When her daddy caught her, on her way to grandma’s house, Lea was defiant. Peanut couldn’t stop her even then.
Their grandmother came to stay with the girls then. It was tough for a while. Thirteen year old girls are a handful to say the least but in a drama like this one, it was terrible. (If only their grandmother had known. They blended so well and Peanut was quite good at it. Lea was suspicious but she didn’t really want to know so she just went on her merry way.)
Peanut and Lea coexisted during the time their mom was in San Francisco at the hospital for treatment. Peanut stood in when others were around and kept peace as best she could.
Lea however rebelled and wanted her father to talk to her. She wanted answers, there was no shhhhhhhhhing Lea.
Looking back, their dad probably didn’t know what to tell his inquisitive young woman/daughter.
Peanut remembers once when Lea slapped her mom back. It startled all three but Lea never understood and got tired of it. How does it feel?
Lea doesn’t remember to this day if she did it.
In the hospital after their father had his surgery, it was Peanut who took the push against the wall from their mother. Lea was irate, it was her father too, didn’t she count? She held firm to her conclusion that her father would live.
Lea was persistant. Peanut had relented on several occasions only to be bruised and scarred herself when Lea came back damaged.
Peanut wondered if Lea would survive and decided if Lea didn’t either would she.
What now? The saga continues......
Who will it be?
Where will it happen?
How will we know if it is safe?
How can we trust again? but more important than that, will we ever be that vulnerable again? If the pain returns, will we survive.
Are we doomed to always be on the outside looking in? Is it ever safe?
HURT Pain............ critical crisis ............ depression........ failure.
INSERT
=======================
OUR SONG........ Tommy's and mine.
Wild Fire -Michael Martin Murphy (Spirit Movie)
here
Joys We Shared........... 1955-1993 Tommy we love you still!!!
My gentle prince.... who played w/me as children.
A refreshing thought has crossed my mind
I looked at you, we were two of a kind.
The part of you I loved was me
The reflection in my eyes was a he.
I knew from the first time I saw your face
You were the opposite, a man and you didn’t wear lace.
But in our love I came to know
I loved you at first and it did grow.
You left and went ahead of me
But the things I felt made me free.
Now as I go through my life without you
It hurts to know and it makes me blue.
In our own way I guess we said our final good-by
But when I heard you’d left all I could do was cry.
Why did it happen, why did you have to go
It is my heartache and I’ll never know.
But even though you’ve left this world
You gave me much, more precious than gold.
We lived and we loved and we’d left each other before
But this time you’ve left and there will be no more.
So good-by my love you were my treat
When I leave this world I’m sure we’ll meet.
On the other side maybe it is much better
Till then my love all I have is this letter.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Hello everyone, guess you're heard the news... well, what you don't seem to know is that the robots live on. You are welcome to stop by and visit any time. Hey we all had to start somewhere and the robots got their start at Marley's in Phoenix.
What's a family of robots to to when they are out of work. Find NEW work. NUFF said, eh?
I was very busy during the time the robots were unemployed as that was my very life blood as well. I received lots of emails during this search and some of them even led to a few gigs for the bots.
People Helping People (PHP) doesn't just apply to making money, it applies to courtesy, caring, sharing and laughter. It also applies to grieving, singing and so on and so forth.
The robots did do some charity jobs while unemployed but that didn't lead to anything lasting.
........ now that I've said all this, Yeeehaaaaa and hot damn the Robots live!!!
ROCK ON... you Rockin Robots and good luck with your employement search.
Wasn't there a song out and about called Rock On?
Sure enuff, there was and here it is.
here
here
View Lyrics Songfacts: You can leave comments about the song at the bottom of the page.
This was written for the movie That'll Be The Day, starring Ringo Starr... and David Essex. Ringo was a musician who sometimes acted. Essex was an actor who was sometimes a musician. It didn't make it on to the movie. (thanks, Brad Wind - Miami, FL)
The lyrics are a tribute to the early days of Rock 'n' Roll.
This was a US #1 hit for Michael Damian in 1989. Like David Essex, Damian was also an actor. He was on the soap opera The Young And The Restless.
Damian's version was used in the Corey Feldman movie Dream A Little Dream.
This was Essex' only hit in the US, but he had several more in England.
The trippy rhythm made this a popular drug song.
This is the opening song for the 2000 movie Sunset Strip. (thanks, Shari - Port Townsend, WA)
Def Leppard covered this song for their 2006 CD Yeah! The CD is a tribute to influential '60s and '70s Rock bands. (thanks, Adolfo - Mission, TX)
The influence of James Dean, Elvis and Ringo Star show up in ROCK ON.
Hey kid, rock and roll
Rock on, ooh, my soul
Hey kid, boogey too, did ya
Hey shout, summertime blues
Jump up and down in my blue suede shoes
Hey kid, rock and roll, rock on
And where do we go from here
Which is the way that's clear
Still looking for that blue jean, baby queen
Prettiest girl I ever seen
See her shake on the movie screen, Jimmy Dean
(James Dean)
And where do we go from here
Which is the way that's clear
Still looking for that blue jean, baby queen
Prettiest girl I ever seen
See her shake on the movie screen, Jimmy Dean
Jimmy Dean
Rock on
Rock on
Rock on
Hey, hey
Rock and roll
Rock on
Rock on
Hey, hey
Rock and roll
Rock on
Rock on
Hey, hey
Rock and roll
Rock on
Rock on
Hey, hey
Rock and roll
Rock on........
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